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| Gather the broken pieces of your heart and give them to God he can mend and heal it. |
My heart was torn into many tiny pieces and distributed throughout my life time. A little left here a piece left there until it got to the point that with every breath I took it got harder and harder to breathe I felt like I was dieing. I just needed God to just take away this pain just take away the PAIN.
I had survived so many years allowing fear to control me, tears to console me and un-forgiveness to secure me from future harm by others. I had become totally numb to the idea of freedom, even though my heart was crying out for a taste of it. I wanted to be free but, how do I “BE” free? What does it look like? What does it feel like? I would stand in church service with my eyes closed tight, my hands lifted up high, I would even shed tears but I couldn’t seem to get to that point to where fear didn’t come rushing in just to prevent me from surrendering everything. Un-forgiveness would quickly follow suite making sure I’m reassured that as my “protector” he knows best. Advising me not to fall for this forgiveness thing it’s a trick, another game. Just make sure no one is allowed to break past my barriers, he would whisper to me. We have worked so hard together and spent so many years setting up these walls to keep me in and others out, look how well protected you are. Very convincing argument he presented so much that I would just pull back and reposition myself in that comfortable yet familiar place of fear and un-forgiveness. My heart was in the firm grip of fear and un-forgiveness.
Once again I made it to the end of another service at church. I would stand up straighten myself up put my mask back on and cordially make my way through the crowd hoping no one would see or question me about the fact that I was actually wearing a mask. I successfully made it to my car in the parking lot, took a deep breath, sighed a sigh of relief, happy I made it without being confronted about my mask, feeling good. Condemnation taps on my car door window at that moment, your still not free. I look up and realize that I, again, had fallen for the lies and tricks of the deceiver that had convinced me, yet again, that fear and un-forgiveness had my back and that they had my best interest at heart. Making sure I let no-one in, not even God.
Fear is a lie and binding device sent by the enemy to immobilize you; to get you to except bondage and condemnation. Un-forgiveness is rooted in fear, fear of being hurt or embarrassed if I forgive. How many times have you heard or felt that if you forgive then you will be open to being hurt again. How many times has fear told you that he will keep you safe from being hurt again? Well, I heard it so much that I believed the lie.
What lie have you accepted as truth that is keeping you bound and immobilized at this very moment you are reading this?
God my hearts cry is that you will expose the enemy that is keeping people, that you love so much, bound and restrained, immobilized and limited by the hurt and pains of their past. I pray freedom for them through your precious blood and in your name Jesus Christ, Amen.
God Blessings
Conscious Thinking Forward Movement
